Denise Mann By Denise Mann

My mom was not one for dispensing traditional advice, but she usually had a way of making her point. Instead of lecturing me on the dangers of binge drinking before my freshman year at what was known as a pretty serious party school (Lehigh University, Bethlehem, Pa), she simply said, โ€œThey use beer to fatten cows.โ€ (This, like everything out of the womanโ€™s mouth, was enunciated by the deep exhale of a cigarette.)

Still, her words resonated (and helped me narrowly avoid the freshman 15).

Another thing she used to say amid drags of her cigarette was โ€œnever compare yourself to anyone because they will always have something that you donโ€™t, and you will always have something that they donโ€™t.โ€ I relied on this when a boy I had a crush on liked someone else or when a close friend showed up to school sporting the Donna Karan blazer Iโ€™d been dreaming of, as well as various other social situations.

Not to date myself, but this was before the advent of Facebook and other social media sites, so anyone I was jealous of had to be in my immediate orbit. Itโ€™s a lot harder to keep it real today when everyoneโ€™s online lives are oh-so-public and fabulous (or so it seems).

Recent events, including the somewhat surprising drug-overdose death of a 38-year-old Long Island dermatologist who was found unconscious in a doorway, with her underwear bundled up in her bag, call some of these assumptions into question. As a thought-provoking article in the New York Post pointed out, the now deceased doctorโ€™s Facebook profile told a different storyโ€”one of a gorgeous blond doctor, her equally handsome doctor husband, their three perfect blond children, shiny McMansion, and jet-setting lifestyle. Thereโ€™s a big disconnect between who the doctor was on Facebook and who she was.

Comparing ourselves and our experiences to others has always been dangerous, as my mother warned, but now these dangers are amplified as we falsely compare ourselves to othersโ€™ false realities.

Selfies and social media have affected the practice of plastic surgeryโ€”that has been fairly well documentedโ€”but the way social media affects how we feel about ourselves has likely been underestimated. Studies show that it can make us more vulnerable to depression, loneliness, and low self-worth at least in part because our lives arenโ€™t as shiny and happy as others appear.

Here is where cosmetic doctors may offer unique insight. When seeing patients, perhaps those with unrealistic expectations based on or around social media, start a conversation that could uncover a deeper self-esteem issueโ€”one that wonโ€™t be corrected with any surgery.

Think about what you post on your own channels and your audience, who just might take it as gospel, too. Donโ€™t gloss over recovery and what it really entails, including the depression that some people feel after breast surgery, for example. This information can be extremely valuable, and help others feel less alone.

Iโ€™m all for dream boards and โ€œfaking it โ€˜til you feel it,โ€ but thereโ€™s something to be said for keeping it real and #totalhonestytuesday.